THINGS I REFUSE TO TAKE INTO 2026 – Part 3: Undefined and Parasitic Relationships
It is such a terrible feeling being in relationships (romantic, friendships, family, work, etc) that have no name, direction, or boundaries. I’ve felt this way for a long time, but with friendships. Connections that lived in the grey area, not quite friends in the real sense of the word, but not quite strangers. Just not quite anything, yet demanded access to my time, energy, emotions, and loyalty. I told myself it was kindness, traits of being a good person. But if I’m being honest, I was afraid to ask for clarity because that might cost me the relationship. And even though I would have felt better without the relationships, I had this nerve-wracking fear of ‘what if I need their help in the future?’
Undefined relationships are exhausting. They keep you constantly guessing. Guessing where you stand. Guessing what you’re allowed to expect. Guessing whether you’re too much for wanting consistency or too demanding for asking questions. They thrive on confusion and survive because you keep filling in gaps that were never meant to be yours to fix.
Then there are parasitic relationships, the ones that take and take without ever pouring back. The ones that feed off your empathy, your availability, your grace. You show up, you listen, you support, you compromise, and somehow you’re always the one adjusting while they remain comfortable. Slowly, you start to feel depleted, resentful, and guilty for even feeling that way. You tell yourself love shouldn’t be transactional, forgetting that love is still meant to be mutual.
I’ve stayed too long in friendships where I was only useful, not valued. Where my presence was convenient, but my needs were invisible. Where I was expected to understand endlessly but was rarely understood. And the scariest part? I normalised it. I learned to call imbalance “seasonal,” neglect “busyness,” and one-sided effort “just how they are.”
But I’m learning that relationships shouldn’t leave you constantly tired, confused, or questioning your worth. They shouldn’t require you to abandon yourself just to be kept. Love may require sacrifice, but it should not demand self-erasure. It should be a catalyst for growth, not cause you to wither for the pleasure of someone else.
Toke Makinwa once said the best thing to do is categorise your friendships and act accordingly. This saves so much emotional energy, lowers expectations and helps channel your efforts towards the deserving people in your life. This doesn’t mean you can’t help these people who drain you; it just means you understand where you stand, draw the boundaries and stand by them. When you enforce unwavering boundaries, it forces people to either respect them and stick around or make them so uncomfortable that they have to flee.
In 2026, I refuse to carry relationships that drain, confuse, or diminish me. I will choose clarity over chaos, peace over emotional gymnastics, and connection over attachment. I will stop romanticising potential and start honouring patterns. I will believe people when their actions show me where I stand.
Relationships are not meant to be survival exercises. They are meant to be shared spaces where both people grow, give, and feel safe. And I am finally learning that walking away from what harms you is not a failure, but rather wisdom.
I’m peeling back another layer and choosing myself without guilt.
And if you’re here too, I hope you choose you – bravely, clearly, and without apology.
Much Love,
The In-Between Letters.
As 2026 approaches, I’m learning that clarity is an act of self-respect. Letting go doesn’t always mean anger or resentment; sometimes it’s simply choosing peace, honesty, and room to grow. I’m walking into the new year lighter, more aware, and committed to relationships that feel mutual, life-giving, and aligned. And that, for me, is enough.
Always remember, on those lonely days, your online family is here for you. Never feel shy to reach out to us here-https://www.justhummingbird.com/contact-me/
Song Suggestion: Friends by Meghan Trainor- https://open.spotify.com/track/4wiMHrvVktJvSmNeCPw5RS?si=6d8ORYw9QE-hw1jv6UbPz