As I sat doom scrolling on TikTok on a Thursday night a few weeks ago, I came across a post about the parent-child relationship that I found a little fascinating. The summary of the speaker’s opinion was that parenthood is a conscious choice and should be treated without glorification. The core of the take was that parents owe their children everything, but children owe their parents nothing, because having children is almost always the parents’ choice, not the child’s. Words like “sacrifice,” “suffering,” and “I gave up everything for you” were dismissed as irrelevant since the child had nothing to do with their conception. The premise was that a child’s inability to consent to their existence removes from them all relational responsibility. Fascinating? I know.
There’s this thing I do when I come across hot takes like this: I sit with them and think them through thoroughly, almost psychotically debating myself on opposing sides. This chaotic process has always helped me take a stance on social issues. I found this take uncomfortable but intriguing — and rightly so. It is such a radical departure from how most of us were raised. “Honour your parents and everyone in authority over you” was the unwritten rule. It imposed on every child the belief that they must grow up in a lifelong state of gratitude, repayment and, sometimes, guilt for the life that was given to them.
It was almost as if the whole point of being a child was for the betterment of your parents’ position in life. This is often a burden children carry. It weighs on them and places them under pressure to succeed so that their parents’ “sacrifice” will feel worthwhile. According to this TikToker, such an obligation simply does not exist.
I know that, like me, a part of you agrees — either partly or fully — with this argument. It even seems applaudable, especially in societies where many parents have failed in their duties of protection, provision, care and attention, and where one too many have refused to take any real responsibility at all. In such cases, this idea not only feels logical but fair.
As I thought longer about it, I began to ask myself, where does love fit into this equation? This whole idea seems to have been formed with filial love held as a constant, almost like a background detail that does not need examination. But the truth is that with relationships, the lines are always blurred, and the healthiest relationships are those that resemble some form of symbiosis. Where the sole obligation rests on the parent alone, it runs the risk of becoming unbalanced — even toxic. Beyond that, many other variables influence whether a child feels any sense of responsibility toward their parents. For instance, a child raised in a nurturing and disciplined environment often develops a sense of responsibility toward their parents out of instinct rather than pressure. Genuine care cannot be forced; it grows organically in spaces where love, provision and presence have been consistently shown.
The older I get, the more I begin to see my parents as people first. Not just authority figures or providers, but human beings who were once young like me — uncertain and trying to figure out life as it came. Everything they did came from their experiences and the pressure of life. Seeing them this way does not make me feel indebted to them; it makes me feel closer to them.
This is what changes with time. It begins with dependence and, if we allow it, blossoms through misunderstandings and even tensions into something beautiful: friendship and deep love.
Lately, I find myself wanting to live more consciously in these moments. To take people’s hot takes and political correctness with a pinch of salt and do what I feel is right. I don’t care what a billion people say — I want to love my parents in a way that isn’t some form of repayment, but simply because. I want to listen to them longer, hear them laugh, tell them how much I love them, and do everything in my power to make them feel fulfilled. Because the truth is, beyond all the debates, we will not have each other forever, and that’s a realisation we must live with.
These are not easy conversations, and they don’t always end neatly. If this piece stirred something in you, or made you pause and reflect on your own relationships, you’re welcome to reach out and talk to us right here – https://www.justhummingbird.com/contact-me/. And if you need legal or creative guidance and support, you can also explore the services we offer right here – https://services.justhummingbird.com/.