20th May, 2025
Dear Hummingbird,
I recently started working in this office a few months ago. It’s my first job, so I was genuinely excited to resume and meet new people. When I first joined, I was placed in a team with older colleagues, so I mostly kept to myself and ran home immediately after work. During meetings, I was always quiet and just minding my business. For the first month, no one really noticed me, but that didn’t last.
The first thing I noticed was that my boss, who usually acted like I did not exist, suddenly became harsh toward me. He would lash out at me during meetings and single me out to speak, even when everyone else was silent. One of my co-workers even asked what I did to Oga. That was when I clocked how toxic the atmosphere might be.
Then my direct supervisor, who is from the same state as I am, started calling me to his office frequently and would spend hours telling me that he felt it was his duty to look out for me because I was like his “younger sister.” That might have been fine if it stopped there, but it got toxic when this man started texting me after work hours, asking about my relationship status and telling me I should always feel free to come to him if I have any troubles.
One day, my cousin came to the office to drop something off for me. I looked up and saw my supervisor staring at us from the window of his office. That whole day was a nightmare — if my boss wasn’t giving me the cold shoulder, my supervisor was bombarding me with work. The energy at work became really off and toxic, and everything felt like a coordinated attack against me.
I later overheard my team members talking about how the boss had slept with almost every female in the office and was a renowned ‘ashawo’. One even said he had once called her to his office and asked her if she knew my relationship status or whether I was sleeping with anyone in the office. She had told him I had a boyfriend, which is true. That conversation only confirmed that the place I was working in was deeply toxic.
Just last week, I saw my boss sitting in his car. He called me over and started making conversation. That was the first time that man had smiled at me. I was so confused.
I genuinely do not know what to do. Going to work has become a nightmare. I either get cold stares from the women in the office or get overworked by my supervisor, who later blames me for “underperforming.” And then there’s my yeye boss — at this point I think his mood swings feel personal. I’m tired, confused, and scared of making the wrong move because I don’t want to lose my job. If anyone out there has been through something similar, please, I’m begging you, what would you do if you were in my shoes? I need help. The situation at work so toxic, is starting to mess with my head.
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Well I know it is easier said than done, but she should start looking for another job with prayer and hope that it won’t be toxic before making the move to leave
Absolutely agree. It really is easier said than done. But you’re right, taking that first step with prayer and intention is key. I think she just needed to hear that it’s okay to leave when a space starts draining your peace. Thank you for this ❤️