Dear Hummingbird,
I met this brother recently. I won’t describe myself as a sister, but I am a Christian who loves God. Initially, I was very skeptical about getting involved with guys in my church because I had heard some not-so-nice experiences from people. Anyway, this brother got my number from the church group chat and messaged me. Let me call him Brother Z.
At first, he was very kind and funny, which was a big relief. But after a while, I started to notice some subtle questionable characters. I didn’t want to read too many meanings into it cause he’s a brother and not just any type of brother o. He is the type that can enter the Pastor’s office at any time and no one will question him.
I noticed that he is kind of a passive-aggressive person who wouldn’t speak up when he is mad but will start acting out, expecting me to ‘figure it out’. I also noticed that he was kind of condescending without trying to be. He just had a way of making me feel small, and he would sometimes scold me like a child and always remind me that he is my senior in Christ, so he knows better. Everything I did was wrong. If he wasn’t complaining about how I pray, it’s how I carry myself or how I’m not Christlike. At some point, I did not know if I was talking to my friend or my mentor.
I overlooked a lot of these things since he never actually asked me out. But now he has said God has told him I am his wife, so I should start coming to terms with it. He didn’t even ask me how I feel about him; he only said I can go and pray for confirmation, but he is 100% sure I am his wife. He has even informed our pastor, who has scheduled couples counselling for us.
Here is my dilemma: I don’t like to argue with people once they throw God’s name into the equation, so a part of me is scared of disobeying God, but I also know that I don’t like this guy. Even if I tell him that I have prayed and I have no confirmation, I know he will tell me that I don’t know how to talk to God. Everyone in church is already congratulating me, and some sisters are even telling me how lucky I am to have Brother Z. I was so confused because how does everyone already know, and I haven’t even said Yes lol. I feel backed into a corner. It’s either I marry someone I don’t like or face embarrassment from the whole church.
What do I do? I’m so confused.
Is it wrong not to want to be with someone who treats you badly and you have no feelings for, even though he is a spiritual brother?
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