Dear Hummingbird,
Okay, let me give you a background story. My best friend and I have been tight since childhood. We pretty much grew up together, especially because our mothers are friends too. We went to all the same schools, and everything has always been chill between us. We rarely fight and tell each other everything.
However, when we got into Uni, I realised that my friend was always doing better than me. It’s not like it was a surprise, I have always known she is smart, and I am smart too, but obviously, she is smarter. It has never been an issue, and it still isn’t. Anyways, we always gingered each other and even promised ourselves that we would graduate with flying colors. I was very happy to have her in my corner, and she would always explain stuff to me because she understood faster. I started having this healthy competition with her; she was someone I wanted to be as good as, so it kept me on my toes. But this did not stop me from always celebrating her wins.
After graduation, and before you ask, yes, we both graduated with really good results, but she was top top. Anyways, we served in the same state, but she got into a very good Company and was earning way more than me. It still didn’t bother me because las las we were spending the money together.
Now we are both fully in the corporate world. She still has a better job and is presently engaged to one guy abroad who treats her like a Queen. Again, I am so happy for my best friend. However, my luck has been shit. Things seem to always take time for me, whether it is work life or relationship life. I guess my self-pity made me start comparing myself to her. She has always had things come easily to her. Even since we were kids, people always seemed to favor her and somehow, every shitty situation just ended up with her shinning on top.
It never bothered me, but right now it is all I can think about. Even as we are planning her wedding, while I’m nursing my own broken heart from one useless relationship and wondering exactly what path my life is moving on.
I feel so guilty. This babe is nothing but nice to me, and it is even worse because I can’t tell her how I feel, and we tell each other everything. A part of me feels like if I tell her she might understand and even walk me through my emotions, but the other part of me is scared that she will always second guess my intentions and never fully trust me because even if I explain from today till tomorrow that I am not bitter and I am genuinely so happy for her, because she deserves every good thing and she is truly a good person, she might think I am lying and it might cause distance between us. I can’t lose my best friend. She is pretty much the most important person in my life. But somewhere behind all this love, is me- sad, low self-esteem and carrying a thousand burdens, wondering just when my luck will turn and it will truly be my time to shine.
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